Login | Register

Why I hate Toms

I'm a pretty easy going person open to new ideas and attitudes I try not to judge peoples choices even if I have my own opinion basically people can do what they want I don't give a rat's ass. But one thing I can't stand are Toms I won't talk to them and don't want nothing to do with them!

why I hate toms

First of all a Tom is what we would call a butch lesbian. I guess Thai people took up the word Tom to describe a Tom boy that is a girl who prefers to do things like guys. Only problem is the Tom boys I knew back in the west would actually hang out with guys and do stuff with the boys and didn't dislike men at all, they actually wanted to be one of the guys.

Why don't Toms use the men's bathroom?

In Thailand though Toms are only ever seen with other girls, they still drive like other girls, they buy guy clothes but the shops they buy them from only cater to other Toms in a typically all girls clothes shopping area. You don't see Ladyboys in the guy’s bathrooms do you? They use the women's so why don't Toms use the men’s bathrooms huh? If they need to sit down, we have a place for them to sit in there; you’re not a guy until you can piss standing up only with your zipper down.

Ladyboys are cool man, their always good for a laugh they know how to make themselves look good and actually put a lot of effort into being friendly and most are good looking in Thailand at least. But what about these Toms, they've chosen a gender role unlike any other, if I'm super ugly I'll just be a Tom that way I feel better about being so ugly.

I hate seeing some super hot tall slender Thai chick walking around with some short ugly Tom I mean if your going to hate someone hate on the people taking all the hot chicks! Where do these Toms find all the hot chicks man, honestly it's less often you'll see a Tom with an ugly chick than you will with some stunner. Props girl/guys for getting the chicks but I still hate you!

So why hate men? When Thai's talk about Toms I'm always asking why Toms hate men? Most stories revolve around some guy attacking her or it hurt or something but then it's always mentioned that they hate men. So dammit if your going to hate me for being a man I'm going to hate you for being a Tom!

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

About Chris

Chris founded LivingThai.org in 2011 and has received over 3 million visitors. He has lived here for over 10 years and speaks reads and writes very good Thai.

31 Responses to Why I hate Toms

  1. ChiangMaiGuy March 25, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    Toms are not ‘butch lesbians’ actually – lesbians ‘share’ sex with girls and, from my discussions, Toms do not like to ‘receive’ sex from their ‘girl friend’ but just like to ‘do’. They can’t bare their GFs touching them as they are… girls. Most I have known about won’t even take off their T-Shirts in bed and get satisfaction only in their GF’s orgasm – nothing else.

    The ‘girl’ part of the relationship falls normally into TWO categories:

    1. she’s been hurt by a guy and needs ‘hugs/kisses/love’ etc.
    2. she’s met a Tom and the Tom can ‘provide’ and she would be with a man just as easily – it’s economic

    I don’t particularly like Toms either as they are ‘unfriendly’ as you suggest but that’s because YOU are a threat to THEIR girl!

    Toms in Thailand are a bit of a ‘fashion’ with many young school girls thinking it’s ‘cool’ to have a Tom – this may change eventually.

    Toms also take some nice girls ‘out’ of the hunting pool – another reason not to like them hehe

  2. Jake March 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

    I second that.

    Really I could have cared less till I saw three of them in a span of a week, all with the tall, slender, hot Thai girls. Hogging resources is where I draw the line with accepting people for who they are.

  3. Buttercup March 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    I guess you replied your own question as to why they don’t hang out with men, they are just afraid.

    Despite posing as men they are still women, that means they are shorter and have less strength, if they face aggressive behavior from men they will likely be less able to defend themselves, unlike Ladyboys.

    Then one or two stories about a Tom being beaten to death by a gang of hillbillies is enough to deter all of them from hanging around men.

  4. tom March 25, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    “I try not to judge peoples choices even if I have my own opinion basically people can do what they want”

    “But what about these Toms, they’ve chosen a gender role unlike any other, if I’m super ugly I’ll just be a Tom that way I feel better about being so ugly.”

    Why didn’t you open with “I like to judge people, and here’s what I mean” the article would flow much better.

    • Chris March 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

      Is your name really Tom?

  5. richard March 26, 2012 at 4:59 pm #

    i know one that works as a bartender she is nothing like what you paint them. she is actually very nice ,you cannot say they are that way.

    • Chris March 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

      there are exceptions to every rule, though most bartenders are kewl, I wonder if you’ve ever hung out with her/him in a normal setting.

      • tom March 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm #

        Dont you just hate that when people keep coming up with exceptions to challenge your generalizations of Thai people.

        • Chris March 28, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

          there are exceptions to every rule.

        • tom March 28, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

          Try and include some of them in your articles then, so you wont come across so judgmental, opinionated and narrow minded.

        • Chris March 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm #

          The average house price in america is something like $150,000 dollars. Would saying that make me judgmental opinionated and narrow minded? In general Toms hate guys, it’s the same thing, don’t get bent out of shape over it dude.

        • Buttercup March 29, 2012 at 2:34 am #

          Well Chris, there are hard data about the housing price in the US, your opinion about Toms is only what it is: your opinion

          And it starts to be judgmental as soon as you use phrases like “I’m super ugly I’ll just be a Tom that way I feel better about being so ugly”.

          There is nothing wrong with this, you are entitled to your opinions, but do not act like this was the universal truth 🙂

  6. Milbrath March 29, 2012 at 1:39 am #

    I’d date Toms too if given the choice between them and Thai boys. At least with a Tom chances are they are not going to beat the females, have geeks, have mai nois, and smell of cheap whiskey day and night.

  7. ChiangMaiGuy March 29, 2012 at 8:59 am #

    there are some cute Toms around actually – a friend of mine has had at least one and I would given half the chance (one of the cute ones not the butch ‘i hate guys’ ones). Generally they are quite aggressive though – I have slept with one girl whose last ‘four relationships’ were with girls (two Toms and two lesbians) so I learnt a lot from her about the differences etc. But, occasionally, I see cute Toms around and it would be… interesting 😛

  8. Peter March 29, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    I was out with a tom several times over the last few weeks and once with her friend who is another tom. I had a great time, and no I did not sleep with her, we were out as friends only. So I have hung out with them in normal settings.

    She is my wife’s niece and I have known her for years so she is comfortable me and, where she probably wouldn’t admit it, she most likely feels safe around me as she has known me for a long time and I am not a threat.

    She is absolutely nothing like you portray nor is her friend, my niece if she dressed up like a girl would be extremely hot, her friend is a different story.

    You cannot make the comparison between ladyboys and toms using alternate bathrooms, ladyboys are not vulnerable in the women’s bathroom, toms are in the men’s bathroom.

    So you have a gender confused woman, without a mans strength, why do you think they don’t want to hang out with men they don’t trust?

    • Ari May 18, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

      Peter, I totally agree with you. And if you guys see toms like Tina Jittaleena (a Thai actress) you’ll fall in love with her charming and friendly personality. I’d date a tom like her if I meet one.. 🙂

  9. Batam Bob March 31, 2012 at 2:49 am #

    I came across a 19 y.o tom here in Indonesia recently, whom I got to know, made friends with, and whom I eventually propositioned to have sex. She has agreed but we have not yet done the deed, as I have been out of town.

    It appears she turned tom due to some hurtful past relationship with a guy and is doing the tom thing to find some affection in her life. I may have bitten off more than I can chew, because she has now turned to me, as the object of her affection!

    Although I have been running around with SE Asian girls for many years, this tom phenomena is something new to me.

    • Chris March 31, 2012 at 3:13 am #

      Make sure to come back here let us know how it goes…

    • ChiangMaiGuy March 31, 2012 at 8:29 am #

      have fun – as you have found this is point ‘1’ on my list but the list was for the ‘female’ half of the Tom/Girl thing but looks like you have found another twist? unless you are referring to ‘Tom’ as the girl half? (which is not really correct). If you found the ‘Guy’ half – a true Tom – who will have sex with you that is a very rare phenomenon!

  10. MagicMax October 21, 2012 at 8:15 am #

    I have only met one Tom through a friend of my girlfriend’s so I can’t comment on all of them. I have been out in a mixed group of Thai guys including him/her to a club and she is absolutely wonderful. I see him/her very regularly as she works at my local 7-11 and is alway friendly and helpful with a smile.

    Guess this an exception.

    • Chris October 22, 2012 at 10:45 am #

      Toms I guess are nice people, I just despise the idea of Toms, ever noticed ou don’t see Toms older than 30? that’s because they all get married and have kids. Their being fake and I hate fake people.

      • MagicMax October 23, 2012 at 7:28 am #

        I guess it’s just a phase like any young girls in the West do, when they try to be Madonna for example.

        • MagicMax October 23, 2012 at 7:29 am #

          Well not so much now it’s more likely to be Lady Gaga or something nowadays!

      • Leo December 25, 2012 at 9:52 am #

        Hi Chris, this is my first post. I live in the US and I work at a Thai restaurant (I’m the only non-Thai working there, besides a few Laotians).
        I actually know of a tom who is like 50 years old. She lives in the US and she doesn’t actually want to date anybody (asexual). She is a very nice lady, she just looks very boyish, and some of the other Thai people told me she is a tom. If she were like 30 years younger we would be good friends because she is very funny. And I hate to mention it, but since you brought it up, she is not at all good looking, in contrast to almost every other Thai woman, young or old.

  11. Brad May 5, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

    Toms… A bit like a boy, not a man and certainly not a gentleman.

    I do notice there is a tendency for a Tom to overcompensate. Smacking the lips when eating, walking with a very strange gait, haircut like a 10 year old boy, clothes like a 10 year old boy, unshaven legs and armpits, occasionally grotty looking… An actual man on the other hand simply is a man.

  12. Tim November 12, 2014 at 1:08 am #

    Live and let live, however I really don’t like to be around gender confused people very much. At first its kind of amusing like a freak show but then its kind of depressing after a while. That goes for both Toms and ladyboys. That’s because these people are confused and disoriented at the most fundamental level and that is sad. I don’t know if its genetic, mental, emotional or a combination and I don’t care. I prefer cute girls and particularly bisexual girls. That may sound a bit hypocritical but their behavior makes more sense in the scheme of evolution when it comes to male arousal and procreation. And they’re not pretending to be something they’re not and never will be. Just seem healthier all the way around.

    • Buttercup November 12, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

      If you think about it for one second you will realise you’re the only one confused about their gender 😉

  13. Ebu January 4, 2015 at 3:55 am #

    This is a guy who obsessively goes around trying to have sex with as many young girls as he possibly can, while lying to them, then writes an instructional blog about how to do it. Yet, it’s the Toms who are sexually confused. The irony!

    Best wishes for the new year. Haters gonna hate.

  14. Joseph March 22, 2016 at 2:10 am #

    I’ve never seen so many toms as chiang Mai. Can’t wait to leave cm. these people seem suck. Too much street food fucked up their hormones.

  15. desh nom bleo August 14, 2018 at 8:23 pm #

    I hate Toms and i hate Dees, Pretty as they may be. Both hate men… why shouldn’t i hate them back? They are rotten liars


  1. Snoop Tomboy Club in Pattaya – Living Thai - April 3, 2013

    […] has something for everyone even a club full of Toms. Everyone already knows how I feel about Toms and when I first saw about 10 of these Toms out the front of the Snoop club in Pattaya I was first […]

Leave a Reply